And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
