Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
