you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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