You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
