Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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