I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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