A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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