he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
