she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
