real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
