he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
