For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
