Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
