you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
