guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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