things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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