wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
