I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
