P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
