Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
