time to smoke my breakfast
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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