if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
