Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
