This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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