We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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