these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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