he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
