Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
