Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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