that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
