Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
