I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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