You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
