I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
