My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
