hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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