He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
