I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
