She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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