It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
