I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
