i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
