Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
