Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
