My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
