Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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