the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
