i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
