We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
