my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
