Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
