He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
