Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize