White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
