I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
