i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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