Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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