and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
