Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
