Apparently you make a good broom.
no, he came in my armpit
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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