I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
