in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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