Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
