I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
