you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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